Thursday, January 23, 2014*

I am my experience. What I experience is me. I understand now that there is no separation. Now if I can only have the presence of mind to be aware of the experience. That is really the issue. I am so concerned about what happened to me and what I am going to do that I forget to live right now. And thus, I miss life.

There is nothing aside from living life. The best thing I can hope for is to be aware of what I is going on in my life. In the past few days I have come to understand this. Every true discipline (not religion) intends to help a person to be aware of the present. Everything else is worthless.

A couple of days ago something came to my mind that told me I needed to go back to the book “The Power Of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I had been annoyed by this book before because when I listened to Tolle I thought his calmness was just pretending, but mostly, because I just didn’t understand what the book was teaching. But this time…it made sense. I was at a point where I could understand it. In fact, it was as though something was telling me I had to read it.

And it all came together. It’s like everything I had previously read (over the past 30 years!) about Zen, A Course In Miracles, and a few other things plopped down into place and made sense. It is about paying attention to the present moment. Living life now. Realizing that we are not separate from everything, but it all melts together into our unique, amazing (boring) experience of life. I said “boring” because it seems that way until we pay attention.

Now the challenge, and this is daunting: get my mind to shut the hell up.

I have already started working on this. Funny how meditation makes a lot more sense now. I see how practicing (zazen) is really helpful. It’s a lot easier to try to pay attention when there are few distractions compared to, say, being at work when there are a hundred things happening at once. But I can see that the more successful you are at reminding yourself to pay attention to the present in a calm situation, the easier it will be to remember the rest of the time.

I was off work yesterday and I spent the whole day attempting to pay attention to the present moment. I could definitely tell a difference. I was not concerned about the day going by too quickly or slowly. In fact, since I didn’t have as much silliness rolling through my mind the whole time, for the first time in a while, the day didn’t seem like it sped past without my realizing it. I didn’t really want to waste time watching television. Actually, par of me did want to watch tv, but I felt like there were better things I could be doing, if nothing other than sitting and having a cup of coffee. The whole day became sort of a “let’s pay attention” session. I really hope I can build on this.

But I know how I am. At first, things are easy and I get excited about them. Often, though, that initial excitement wears off and I slip back into my old ways. This time, though, I know I’ve really hit on something. I mean REALLY hit on something. This is everything. I know it will be a challenge, but I am so ready for it. Just figuring this out was the major challenge. Now I can commit to what really matters.

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Posted on January 23, 2014, in Awakening, Awareness, Entries, Joy, Meditation and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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